Asperger’s Syndrome
by mundaneepitome
Summary: He’s a good kid – he’s honest and he tries his best. He tries to please everyone. He wants to make everyone happy. But it’s not enough to survive this world. And that is his downfall. AnkoNaru, NaruHina, NaruSaku-onesided


**A/N:** W-who cares if I've got a KHR story I need to update? I'll do it over Christmas or something, eheh?

The entire concept of Asperger's Syndrome explains itself, but it's troubling to just open a new window (I know, I've been there), so I'll give it to you as such:

Simple English Wikipedia says that:

"Asperger's Syndrome changes the way in which a person understands other people, talks with other people, and acts with other people. A person who has "Asperger Syndrome" often seems to be odd, and may not fit in well with other people. Asperger Syndrome is called a development disorder, not a mental illness. Most adults with Asperger Syndrome can learn how to make friends, do useful work and live successful lives. Asperger Syndrome is considered to be at the highest functioning end of the Autism spectrum disorders. Both genders can get Asperger Syndrome."

I found it ironic how appropriate several parts of these definitions were, and I evolved my story around that. I hope you enjoy this concept and stick around with me. And I'll be damned if Anko isn't a female version of Naruto, but that's kind of hard to write.

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

Naruto was loyal. Perhaps, he was, maybe, shockingly, excruciatingly, desperately – _TOO_ – loyal. He didn't notice it to stand out like other people did. For Naruto, it was normal to defend what you wanted to keep. It was normal to defend what you didn't want to lose.

Even as a young child, Naruto was honest and it has lead to his development, his whole persona being what it is today. Maybe too honest for the fact that he simply wanted to be liked, he wanted to fit in. He got too excited, got too loud. That was why finally, one day, Jii-chan took him by the hand and led him to the hospital.

Naruto never liked hospitals, they were all white and they smelled funny and no one smiled at you. Naruto told this to Jii-chan, who just smiled and laughed like he always did. Jii-chan smelled like smoke and sweet things, and Naruto liked that. Plus, Jii-chan's hand was warm. In the hospital, he got to hold Jii-chan's hand for one straight minute before Jii-chan got pulled away by one of those people in big white jackets. Jii-chan told him to wait, then, and since it was a real big hospital with a real big place that Naruto didn't know so well – he didn't like it either – he nodded and said he would, trying to crawl onto the really tall bench before Jii-chan picked him up and helped him sit on before leaving.

Naruto was kicking his legs up and down and leaning back against that weird empty wall when a scary lady came up to him and grabbed him by the wrist. She pulled him hard off the bench and Naruto might've fallen and hurt himself. He dug in his heels and told her he was waiting for Jii-chan to come back because Jii-chan told him not to go anywhere. She didn't say anything, just grabbed him by his other hand and pulled harder and kept moving him. He didn't want to move, honest he didn't, but then he got yanked into this one white room he didn't like so much. No one smiled much and it smelled funnier than before – and he didn't like it.

Finally, he got pulled out of the room after he kicked someone and he was brought struggling to Jii-chan. When Naruto saw Jii-chan, he ran to him, he hid behind him, buried his face in those long robes and didn't let go. He glared a bit at the lady and the other people in big white jackets, but she was mean so she deserved it and so did her friends, so when Jii-chan told him to apologize, all Naruto did was shake his head and stick out his tongue. Jii-chan said sorry to them anyways, so Naruto didn't understand anything, but Jii-chan told him not to worry, he'd learn one day and then he brought Naruto out of the hospital.

Naruto was glad to be out of the hospital. He was diagnosed with ADHD, but that was a wrong diagnosis – a mistaken one – though Naruto did have that too. It just hadn't been the only one. He just blinked a lot because they kept on shining all that light at his face and he kind of wanted to rub it but then the lady made this weird face and Naruto just kept on rubbing it.

A proper diagnosis wouldn't have been found by testing blood or by looking at his body – it wouldn't have been possible anyway. The doctor would've had to talk to Naruto and other people who would've known people well – but this was a shinobi village, and such normal things weren't really considered. They would've had to watch how Naruto moved, what kind of things he did – his behaviour – and to understand about Naruto's past but no one wanted to, no one had the time, and those who could've chose not to.

If Naruto had had parents, they might've seen a bit of what had been wrong with their son. Maybe they would've worried and fretted, maybe they would've cared. But Naruto hadn't grown up in a cozy home environment – he'd grown up on his own, where you had to fight tooth and neck to get the first serving of food and quickly go back for seconds before someone ate it up. Yup, it'd been a tough eat-eat-eat world when it was time to eat back at the place Naruto'd been placed.

Jii-chan treated him to ramen, and Naruto just kept on talking and talking. Naruto liked eaten ramen with Jii-chan, and he kept on kicking his legs up and down to prove it. Jii-chan told him it wasn't good for his legs to do that, but Naruto said he did it when he was happy, kind of like how an animal pees on you after you pick it up. Jii-chan laughed for some reason, but Naruto didn't see what was so funny, because it didn't make sense when the next thing Jii-chan said was had Naruto ever heard of the joke about animals and their owners and everyone at Ichiraku burst out laughing.

Naruto felt a bit lost, though. It felt like everyone was being different, like they weren't normal. If Jii-chan picked up on it, he simply told Naruto, I have a present for you, and he told Naruto snap his eyes shut and stick out his hands. Naruto jabbed his hands out obediently, but then he kept on blinking a lot and widening his eyes a lot too so Jii-chan asked him what he was doing. Naruto said it was that he couldn't make a 'snap' sound yet with his eyes.

Amidst the laughter that followed, Jii-chan solemnly presented Naruto with a key.

"That's your apartment key." Jii-chan told him.

And Naruto still had it on a small cord around his neck because Jii-chan said Naruto'd better tie it around there – and then he changed his mind and got Naruto something to place it on without actually get Naruto to try to figure out how to unbend the metal to get around his neck.

He was six around the time he got the key.

* * *

Understanding people was hard. Naruto had trouble understanding people. Or maybe it was just them having trouble understanding him. They made expressions one second and then they said things another – of course he should respond. They said things a certain way and then laughed when he answered what he thought.

He didn't learn to read or write very early. Things came harder to him to learn, and it was well behind everyone else when Naruto finally learned how to write his own name. He didn't know it, but it was also due to the fact that no one had the patience to deal with a rambunctious, maybe-I-have-schizophrenia blond kid.

He always spoke loudly and Naruto didn't know people didn't like that he was saying stuff until his teacher told him to shut up and sit back down before I strangle you. There was always a twitch in his teacher's eyebrows and a really red face and a huffy puffy breathing. Naruto often pointed it out because he didn't get it, or that he thought they should go to the doctor to check it out. He didn't understand why everyone was laughing at something he didn't find funny. Or why it was funny at all.

Naruto was short. He was shorter than short and everyone seemed to think he was four when he was seven. It made a huge difference, and he tripped over everything. When he walked, Jii-chan had to partially lift him up so that Naruto wasn't going to go crack his head on the sidewalk. Naruto didn't understand that Jii-chan was joking when he said this and he was very upset for three weeks.

Naruto didn't understand why Jii-chan didn't want to talk to him sometimes, or come out or have ramen with him sometimes. There was always this weird look on Jii-chan's face that Naruto didn't know whether he liked it or not because it was kind of hard to remember it, but Naruto knew it was weird so he said so.

One would assume these would be the normal behaviour traits of a child, but in reality, they are also traits of Asperger Syndrome. It cannot be treated by medicine. And Naruto had no idea he had it – he wouldn't know. He'd never know.

After all – the term wouldn't be invented until a couple of centuries later. Still, it makes it no less of a distraction to our original purpose.

Naruto couldn't tell the difference if someone said something they didn't act. If someone was happy with him, he wouldn't know until they told him. If someone was mad at him, he wouldn't know unless they told him. But people often didn't, so it made it harder for Naruto to understand them because if they spoke a certain tone like they were mad, Naruto couldn't tell. He hadn't know that Jii-chan got "exasperated" with him until Jii-chan told him so and then Naruto said why because Jii-chan tended to sigh when he said stuff like that to Naruto, but Naruto couldn't understand why Jii-chan was sighing in the first place. It wasn't until Jii-chan said was because he's a bit sad that Naruto understood why - just a little bit better. Jii-chan told him to take his time when understanding people, not to rush and take things at your own pace. So in reality, it was no surprise when someone knocked loudly and abruptly on his door the next morning that Naruto – seven years old – took his time.

The first thing Naruto did upon waking up was to check to see if he was moving again. He made a big show of it because it was _boring_ not to do something and sometimes his bones got all weird and Naruto had to move around a lot to make it better. He started off by swinging his legs over the side of the bed and kicking them up and down. Then he moved his arms, side to side up and the down between his legs, legs as straight as could be. Then he scrambled to stand on the bed and stretch the ceiling. He spoke loudly, dictating his actions, and sometimes someone downstairs made a funny sound – like a big blare or something, but the person on the other side of the door was knocking faster, so Naruto kind of hurried because Jii-chan told him when someone did that they were saying, hurry, hurry, I can't stay long.

Naruto tip toed to open the door because it was too tall for him and then when he opened it a crack just like Jii-chan told him to – he had a real good memory because Jii-chan told him he did, even though Naruto didn't think it was any different from having a normal memory because everyone's brain was the same, right?. The guy on the other end was red faced and he looked weird, so Naruto asked if he was sick.

"Are you sick, mister?" He asked, looking up.

"_No,_ I'm actually perfectly fine and ready to faint at any given moment." Came the reply of the man whose neck was getting a darker shade of red every second. "What do _you_ think?"

Naruto squinted up at him, confused. How come he wasn't at the hospital or at the doctor's or anything?

"Do you need a band-aid?" He asked.

Maybe it wasn't so bad, then, if all he needed to do was come to Naruto's house (Naruto liked to think of it as a house, it felt better than calling it an ah-parr-ta-mint like Jii-chan called it) and tell him. Naruto was pretty sure that if you needed to go to a hospital, you'd go right away, not stand outside.

"I do _NOT_ need a band-aid. In fact, I'm _positively _beaming with energy! In fact, I love the whole _goddamn_ morning!" He shoved his hand out in the air, gesturing at blue skies and sunny weather.

"I like mornings too!" Naruto chirped, opening the door wider.

"Damn it, just LEAVE ME ALONE. _**GO BACK TO BED**_." Mister Akihiro stomped off, leaving Naruto confused.

Oh well. It was Sunday anywa—

On Sundays. On _Sundays_, Naruto got to go out with Jii-chan to eat at Ichiraku. He didn't like it so much when Jii-chan didn't make it and he didn't like it when Jii-chan _couldn't_ bring him to Ichiraku and brought him somewhere else instead. Naruto'd stomp his feet, he'd say nonononono_nooooo_ I don't want that, because it wasn't _Sunday_ if it was different, and he didn't_ like it_ being _**different.**_Naruto liked his routines to stay the same. He didn't like doing things differently, but he did like doing new things, so it was a bit of a hard thing for him and Naruto just _didn't like things changing._ So he was a bit (_a lot a LOTTTTTTT)_ upset when Jii-chan told him he couldn't take Naruto out to eat Ichiraku anymore because his job sucked.

…well, Jii-chan said, "I apologize, Naruto-kun, but, as you can see, I'm overwhelmed by all this work. Maybe next week?"

But next week never came, so Naruto assumed Jii-chan wasn't going to take him out anymore.

And this was the third week since.

It was kind of sad and it made Naruto upset, so he hid himself in his bed for a long time. But he still came out to go pee sometimes and sometimes he got hungry.

* * *

Mitarashi Anko was not having a good day. In fact, why didn't you _bloody __**DEFINE**_ it to her, you stinking pieces of _**SHIT?**_ Oh come _on_, like you needed _Anko_ to fucking, _**fucking**_ clean after you – what kind of _moron_ left discriminating evidence back there, huh?! Who busted your ass out, huh?! Anko didn't need to, but she _fucking_ did, so you _**shitcakes –**_

Uh. No. It wasn't her that just shouted that at the Hokage when he cut into the one-sided swear-yell fest. And. Goddamn. He was. _Smiling_.

…damn old geezer, it was _never_ a good sign. It was like when you went to the bar and grabbed some fresh meat only to find out it was as expired as a carcass. Unless you were into that kind of stuff, uh, no thanks. And no way was Anko going to play overtime. Still.

In front of her squad, it wasn't like Anko could actually _do_ anything. Not that she would have held back, but it was a pain in the ass to deal with other people who would just keep coming back to her again and again. So Anko liked blood. So what? It wasn't like she was _honest to god_ bathing in it every night – she was _human._ She _liked_ time off.

"Whadda ya want?" She asked, hot-headed, the next few moments when he showed her into his office. The old man made a big show of cleaning off his desk, but Anko was in no way impressed. She placed her arms on her hips and let her thumbs hook into her belt as she frowned at him.

Sarutobi took his time sitting down. "Don't rush an old man," he smiled, pressing his fingers together, "In fact, I just want to ask a favour."

"You're giving me overtime." Anko deadpanned. "I'm not doing it."

If Sarutobi found her blunt rudeness startling, he did not show it. In fact, he was probably so used to this by now that it was a second nature. "No, I'm asking a favour," he began pleasantly. "In fact – "

True to her personality, Anko jumped right in the instant the thought was in her mind because _shit_ man, she was _not_ doing more than she was supposed to do. "Would this favour include me being obligated into doing it? I say overtime." She told him bluntly. Besides. Who cared about doing overtime? Dango time called to her. Overtime was not dango time. Plus, there were always these sticks up the asses that seemed to congregate and piss her off whenever she wanted to go to somewhere less…_populated_. And then that just meant more overtime.

"It's a favour – if you look at it a certain way."

She didn't even try to hide her snort of disbelief. Anko eyed the way he spoke, the calming tones and the almost amused way he seemed to take her state of mind into account. Anko didn't like folding her arms, but this was the one time she wished she could. But she was kind of feeling mad right now, and folding your arms just left for a slower reaction speed – Anko didn't like getting sneaked up on, and damn Sarutobi's ANBU kept on doing that. She used to do that too, but that was besides any and all points.

"This is blackmail. This is one of those things where I have no choice but to accept it." Anko knew definitely that he'd be smiling wider now. "I still say no."

_HA!_ There it was. Smug old bastard.

"On the contrary, I haven't threatened you with anything." He replied.

"There is an underlying 'yet' in that sentence. Overtime blackmail – ask me again and I will flip a bird." Besides, it wasn't like he could actually make her do anything anymore. But then again, he would probably revoke her right to take missions for a while and it kind of pissed Anko off. Omnipotent_ fucker._ Still, she still respected him. Somewhat. Just not now.

"I hadn't taken you for someone who asked for permission on that sort of thing." Sarutobi laughed, before viewing her again with just a bit more sincerity. "This is just a small thing."

Anko nearly threw her hands up in the air. "Oh sure, old man, want me to walk the dog and pick up the shit while I'm at it?"

"Just a little check up." He said, gently. "Case in point, Uzumaki Naruto."

The instant she heard that name, Anko frowned even more. She flipped a finger at the shinobi outside the window who was finding it amusing that his squadmate was getting uncomfortable. Anko mouthed the words '_manual vasectomy, bitch'_ and then it solved the problem when that guy screamed, clutched his manhood and fell the rest of the way down. Anko turned her attention back to Sarutobi and gave him her answer.

"No."

Sarutobi's eyebrows raised. Just a little. He did wonders ignoring the shouts outside the building and reminded himself to close the windows sometime in the future. "Why not?"

"Just because."

"And no reason behind it? I thought you'd jump at something like this."

"One." She held up one finger. "This is Uzumaki Naruto we talking about, right?"

"Uzumaki Naruto." Sarutobi confirmed. "Unless you know any other by the name."

Anko wasn't finished yet, though. "Uzumaki Naruto, little demon child, the bane of all our existences, killed way over a hundred, disabled plenty and injured and traumatized the rest on the single night of his birth – _that_ Uzumaki Naruto?" Here, Sarutobi gave a disapproving look, but Anko was just testing the waters. In all matters, she actually could've cared less who the hell the little kid had murdered, directly or indirectly – though the fact that a seven year old killed off shinobi would've been pretty slick too – "Two." She held up a second finger. "Dumb ADHD blondie who bangs into things when he walks and has the social sensitivity of a rock. That is my impression of the kid and I hate people. No house calls."

Sarutobi looked like he was about to say something else before he sighed heavily. "Alright, be off with you."

"What? No asking for mission report, no 'Anko, I'm very disappointed in you' old man look that makes me want to rip off my head and serve it to you on a platter due to extensive guilt and whatnot? Or a dozen or couple missions of – "

He didn't smile at this, just looked tired, squeezing the skin on his nose between his eyes. "Not today, child. Go home and rest up, and I'll have a mission for you tomorrow."

And for some reason, Anko felt very annoyed. "Okay, whatever."

She left him there, closing the door behind her and feeling very annoyed and irked and anything synonymous to that feeling. Seriously, she was reading his moves, guilt-trip, reverse-psychology, but _damn_ was the old man good. Now Anko actually wanted to go spy on the kid, see why the heck Sarutobi was so concerned. No, it wasn't because he said something like that, but because she wanted to see for herself.

Anko'd seen some traces of the demon incarnate Uzumaki Naruto wherever she went in Konoha. But they were all things that demons couldn't do – more human things, crude to a sense, but still human. Her hand gripped her shoulder, before letting go, and she found herself breathing once more.

She didn't even bother leaving the building the proper way. With a simple hop from the open window, she leapt onto the next open roof and made her way over the traffic. It didn't take her long to find the small head of blond hair – in actuality, it seemed that recently, Uzumaki Naruto had not been spending any time outside – it was a rumour that was wildly associated with the fact of some sort of punishment of sorts, that Uzumaki Naruto was being kept under interrogation.

All Anko knew about Uzumaki Naruto asides from the obvious that any civilian would've known. But she did know some key things, such as since Ibiki hadn't given up a whole uproar about his newest project – Anko still remembered the time Ibiki got to use electricity and a wooden block _holy shit that had been scary_ – there was close to no chance that Uzumaki Naruto was being detained or kept into the village security.

He was probably at home, she had theorized, and lo and behold, it didn't surprise her when she landed on the roof of the building right next over and he was in right in direction of the window. Anko had a good angle to see, but the boy wouldn't have been able to see her if he wasn't intentionally looking up in that direction from the window.

She watched him as he crawled back into his bed, drawing the blankets over his head and sort of crawling with everything bound around him like a little caterpillar. It might have actually been cute if Anko had been into stuff like that. Well, she might've been, but hey, she could've been very well into girls for all she knew. What, with average boob sizes getting bigger, who better than to make sure they grew right, being a fellow female and all?

Anko got bored after a while. She got bored quick, so the next thing happened was that she hung upside down from his window and rapped on it. "Open up, kid."

Big blue eyes peeked up at her from the dark shadows of the blankets. Anko had a sudden craving to see them on the floor, and the intense feeling grew when the child pulled the blankets off his head and shocks of blond hair peeked out. It'd been one thing to see them from afar, but close up, Uzumaki Naruto looked more human, and more exactly like only one man in Konoha who had ever had blond hair and blue eyes.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked, fingers fumbling to open the latch. Anko watched, half amused, as he pushed as hard as he could against it to make the window open. She burst out cackling at the sight of him – "OOF!" – as he landed on the floor, winded. "Owwww…" Obviously, he'd put too much force and slipped when the window budged, falling onto the floor.

"Friendly neighbourhood _spider_ – nah, I'm a ninja and I've come to suck your blood and feed it to a live orphanage of snakes." Anko slipped neatly in, not even pausing to take over the space he'd been in. "Mm, nice and warm – damn kid, get out and drown your bed in pond water."

Naruto rubbed his eyes. "…_are you __**God**__?_"

Anko stared at him for a few moments. "What the hell?"

"Uhm, uhm, if you can do all that stuff, that means you're not normal, right?" Naruto asked, licking his elbow. Whoo. Flexibility. _Good_ flexibility. If the kid grew up with that flexibility, Anko would _definitely_ pay house calls.

"Astute kid, aren't you?" She asked, watching how Naruto's arm was automatically clearing up any scratches. Huh. Not even five minutes. Though it shouldn't have been surprising, seeing as there wouldn't have been any trouble for someone who was close to a demon, that much was certain. Anko, however, was unused to seeing it.

"Thank you." Naruto beamed, straightening up his arm with a snap. His hand was placed over his shoulder and his left arm was jerked up from the shoulder to the elbow. There was a loud cracking sound, and Naruto slowly rotated his arm in circles, making little sound effects to go with it. "Whooossshhhh – "

Anko's eyes traced the motions, keeping it to memory. Really good flexibility, huh. Wasn't surprising if Anko put it into terms of how he grew up and his personality into one. "You don't even know what that means."

"Nope." The kid was honest, way too honest, nodding. Anko suspected he couldn't tell a lie even if his life depended on it. There were several cracks sounding as Naruto rotated his arm the other way and then started moving his fingers, before becoming satisfied. " But Jii-chan says to say thank you when someone says something nice." Naruto answered, crossing his legs and sitting down nicely.

"How d'you know it was something nice? I could've said it like it was bad or something."

"It was bad?" Naruto looked up at her, blinking.

"Nope."

"Oh, okay. Hey, is Jii-chan coming today?"

And that was a bit of how Anko got roped into taking care of Naruto that Sunday. For the next few weeks, she'd swing by, always find some time to swing by, and she'd always come in through the window. Naruto grew to grow expectant of that, waiting obediently on his bed, fidgeting. Anko obliged him, but she always got bored of him after a while and dumped him back at home, two to three hours later. Naruto didn't mind.

When Anko came to visit, he'd be grinning, and still kept grinning even if she left. It was like he was mentally retarded or something, poor kid. Anko sometimes wanted to hit him with a blown up condom or something, just for the laughs.

One day, there was one question Naruto asked when Anko came in from the window, formulating a plan to kill Hatake Kakashi and get away with it.

"Hi, Anko! What's it like in the forest? Can I go?"

Of course, Anko, being the _fuck everyone, let's do something __**naughty**_ type of person, just said: "Would you scream if I yanked your balls?" And seeing as Naruto had no idea what she was talking about, she offered one more response, clarifying this shit.

"Yeah, sure, why not?"


End file.
